Tuesday, May 29, 2012

2001: Dot Com


Date of Creation: 2000

Synopsis: Where does wind go? Dot Com is the new fragrance for internet culture.

A Brief History: If memory serves, this was Dan's commercial for video production class (mine was the clam juice commercial), and technology had progressed along significantly further in three years, it appears. The goal was to parody the ridiculousness of fragrance commercials on TV by adding a ridiculous online twist to it. I don't believe we officially licensed Moby's "Honey", so I imagine a lawsuit will be forthcoming.

We borrowed a fellow filmmaker's (Tristan Cook...whatever happened to that guy anyway?) steadicam jr. to do a bunch of sweet camera moves, and found a great fountain location in the innards of some office building, and we were set. I believe the voiceover is some strange combination of Mike Brasher, Dan and myself, depending on who read the line better. Obviously the pitch was lowered and echo added to make it sound REALLY AWESOME.

Critical Analysis: For a cologne commercial, I would say it makes arguably more sense than most.

2001: Grade B Bacon


Date of Creation: 2001

Synopsis: An unlikely partnership forms when two strip mall security guards find themselves at the center of a vast money laundering conspiracy.

A Brief History: I don't exactly remember what this was even for; it might've just been for fun. We had a golf cart at our disposal, might as well use it. Either way, it was created a LONG time before Paul Blart: Mall Cop, so that Kevin James dick totally ripped us off.

We filmed the whole thing in a strip mall on Droste, without permission of course. It was our first experiment with camera mounts, rigging our XL1S to the golf cart frame with C-stand arms and cartellinis.

Myers Heritage plays the mustachioed Vinny, the seasoned private security veteran, and Brian Sturgill is Charles, or Char Daddy, the rookie with something to prove. Supporting cast is Rory Sherony as the thief, with probably the most fantastic wig I've ever seen on a man, and myself as the (mexican?) drug lord running things behind the scenes.

critical analysis: I had completely forgotten we even made this until I came across it the other day, and I'm glad I did. It's pretty entertaining.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

2000: The Real World: San Carlos


Date of Creation: 2000

Synopsis: As the robot will tell you in the beginning, This is the story of 7 people picked by math TV to live in a house and have their lives taped. There is no script, everything you see is real. The Real World: San Carlos.

A Brief History: Completing the trifecta of class projects for classes I was not enrolled in, this was a final project for a Calculus class. The goal was to create a video that illustrated how you might apply calculus in real life.

Everyone really took their characters in stride; Josh Hauser as Bubba was particularly inspired, but I was most impressed by James Milam as Sid. Playing the asshole is always fun. Unless he really was just an asshole, in which case, great casting. I believe that Matt Wall, as Patch, may hold the world record for "Number of Musical Numbers performed about derivatives and functions in a single video." Ankit Patel as Abraham Washington has perhaps my favorite line ever, "My forefathers died for that flag!"

This movie really had everything: masochism, blatant racism, xenophobia, dwarves. You really have to watch it tongue in cheek, otherwise you'll just think we were horrible, horrible people.

I particularly liked the Planet of the Apes tribute.

Critical Analysis: Even though the introductions take up over 1/3rd of the actual movie, I actually still enjoyed them quite a bit. We still hadn't figured out how to make a movie that wasn't just a bunch of montages connected by a fade out, so it's kind of lacking in flow, but overall, it's not nearly as bad as I was expecting.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

2000: Destinos


Date of Creation: 2000

Synopsis: Two hit men are hired to protect an investigator tasked with discovering the events that lead up the disappearance of a rich family's son. They quickly find themselves tangled in a web of deceit, lies, conspiracy and mistaken personality in the tradition of a typical spanish language drama.

A Brief History: This was, believe it or not, a spanish assignment. For, again, a class I was not taking at the time. The assignment was to create your own episode of "Destinos", a film series that students watched in class to, I suppose, get a stronger understanding of spanish culture and further their language skills. But you tell me: http://youtu.be/-_Ex8R06kqY

Either way, Mike and I set out to create an epic, if not slightly off topic, finale for the series. With death! And Drugs! And Car Chases! And Guns! We spent way too long shooting it for a class project. I'm talking 9 or 10 days of solid shooting. And probably a month's worth of edit time crammed into a couple weeks, but we got it done. And I hope Mike and his group got an A.

The movie was obviously, erm, heavily influenced by Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, even borrowing a few...look, okay, it was a straight up rip off. But I like to consider it more of a "mash up". Take these characters, put them in this situation and see what happens. It was a fun exercise. Most people in the group were relatively accommodating to our insane concept, considering they could've just as easily shot a single shot, 2 minute scene in a classroom and still have gotten an A.

Definitely my favorite memory of this shoot was convincing the mayor of st. charles to let us shut down main street for a couple hours so that we could spin a car around and shoot guns out of it. Something like that would've easily cost me $10k to do out in LA. Also, because we were constantly filming after school and scenes took us a really long time to shoot, there are several scenes where it goes from mid day sun to hilariously dark throughout the scene.

Critical Analysis: Disjointed would be an understatement, but maybe I'm being a tad too critical for something I made in high school. I can't believe it's a solid 40 minutes long though, and GOOD GOD it drags sometimes. I also have a little trouble keeping up with what's going on, but that's probably because of the spanish. But the car stunts and squibs were totally balls. The car chase is at about 16 minutes and the fight scene is at about 30 minutes if you want to save yourself some time.

Friday, May 25, 2012

1999: The Epps Geometry Project


Date of Creation: 1999

Synopsis: 3 high school students venture into the woods in search of...geometry. Their academic adventure turns south when strange objects begin appearing around them.

A Brief History: The Epps Geometry Project was, in fact, a geometry project, in which we were supposed to document geometry in nature. The assignment was actually to do photographs, not video, if I remember correctly, but we decided to take it a step further.  In fact, it wasn't even my geometry assignment; it was Dan's.

Mike and I had been taking kenpo lessons at this point so that we could choreograph fight scenes, but I guess we pretty much just threw that out the window and went for pro wrestling moves instead. Or maybe we started taking kenpo shortly after discovering how much we sucked at choreographing fights.

Realizing that 15 minutes of shapes would probably be the most boring thing literally every, we called upon some friends to make cameos to liven things up. Jim Zepp as the old redneck and Brian Cook and Michael J. Cline as the british fisherman added much needed color to the piece.

Critical Analysis: I can fervently defend the awful, awful camera work as visual motif that nods to the original Blair Witch, but the truth is, it's pretty much just awful camera work. Also, why do we bring sleeping bags and a tent for a two hour hike, then sleep on the floor of our shitty tent uncovered?

Thursday, May 24, 2012

1999: KRAZ News



Date of Creation: 1999

Synopsis: A group of mental patients produce a news broadcast for their sanitarium.

A Brief History: Another video project for high school video class, we were ordered to make an entire news broadcast with news, sports, weather, music, everything. Having little grasp of what it takes to make these kind of things, we tried anyway. As you can see, it was a marked failure.

Critical Analysis: When I started this blog and said "will post everything, no matter how bad", this is what was in my mind when I wrote that. It's awful. Although Matt Romano as Milton Grape was perhaps a saving grace. I suppose it does kind of have a monty pythonesque feel to it. And as embarrassing as it is for me to watch myself in, it's probably more embarrassing for Ryan in his star trek costume. Sorry Ryan!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

1998: Clam Juice



Date of Creation : 1998

Synopsis: In attempt to corner the clam juice market, Willie's Clam Juice launches a campaign to target uncool teens.

A Brief History: This was probably the first video we did that was actually FOR a video production class. I had been dicking around with Ulead Videostudio Pro on my home computer, which allowed you to do some rotoscoping-type work. Unfortunately I had no idea about sizes and formats (I don't even know if there were really any standards back then, there was no firewire capture; I had to use an analog converter) and I had to edit it back deck to deck on some crappy, non-genlocked VCRs, so there's a ton of hilarious video artifacts.

Yes, clam juice is a real product and no, Matt didn't actually drink any, though I imagine it's hard to get that smell out of the container no matter how often you wash it.

The clam is actually a puppet on a black background with fishing line to move his top jaw. That abomination of a logo was actually a preset in Ulead.

My favorite part is probably the tripod in the last shot. There were three shots in the entire thing, really? We couldn't pay attention to something like that?

Critical Analysis: OH GOD THE PACING.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

1997: The Monkey's Paw


Date of Creation: 1997 (maybe early 1998, I don't really remember)

Synopsis: Adapted from the W.W. Jacobs short story, this dramatic thriller explores the supernatural realm. When an old friend from a far away land visits the White family, he shares with them a mystery: the paw of a monkey that grants three wishes to it's holder.

A Brief History: I'm sure this was for some literature class, and I'm sure the girls in our group were probably annoyed with us trying to hit this one out of the park by making a crazy short movie instead of phoning it in, but nonetheless, here we are. My favorite moments are probably the fact that we are all obviously reading from our scripts (though Jenny's was cleverly hidden inside of some huge book), Joe's incredibly delayed reaction to me throwing the paw at the fire, and my thinking that I could easily play two different characters in a five minute movie if I just changed my sports jacket and nothing else. I believe we stole the score from Jurassic Park, though I may be wrong. It's so damn dark you can't really tell what's going on, but those almost completely black screens with video lines dancing all over them are  supposed to be the zombie son walking up to the house. OH, and zombie son was played by Donna, who was obviously a girl, so we gave her a hat. Because that's how you make girls into men in movies.

Critical Analysis: I'm getting bored with this portion of the description, as it's hard to do sarcastically without sounding legitimately condescending and full of myself, so this will probably be the last one. I will say that, from a film language terminology, this would be the first time I ever used intercutting to add suspense to a scene, so while we didn't know exactly what we were doing at the time, it's technically a big step in the right direction. Executed terribly, of course. I believe this was very close to the moment where I realized I was not exactly what you would call a "good" actor, though that didn't stop me from doing it anyway for years.

Monday, May 21, 2012

1997: Cooking With Ankit / Cooking with Beto and Cheko



Date of Creation: 1997

Synopsis: Culinary Wiz Ankit (Ankit Patel) displays his gastronomical prowess in this how-to video. His potato rolls are to die for.

A Brief History: I'm not even sure what class this was for, but suffice to say, we were supposed to make a cooking video. We stepped up from the video painter to microsoft powerpoint for our graphics this time, which we video taped off a computer monitor. I'm not sure why the James Bond intro. Ankit's head was set ablaze using a little bit of lighter fluid and the heat from stovetop coil. Did we need the lighter fluid? Probably not. But it's more fun that way. The commercials were from some videotape ankit had, and yes, they are authentic (indian?). And yes, they are by far the best part.

Critical Analysis: It's a how-to video. But it definitely should've won some sort of award for "most entertaining", "worst graphics, ever" and "highest level of VHS generational degradation". It probably wouldn't have looked any worse even if I took a magnet to it.




Date of Creation: 1997

Synopsis: Capitalizing off a proven formula for cooking shows, Beto and Cheko follow up "Cooking with Ankit" with a strikingly similar educational culinary show, in which the audience learns how to cook churros.

A Brief History: When Beto (Dan Gartner) and Cheko (Zach Metcalf) were given the assignment of creating a cooking segment for their (7th grade?) class, it was pretty obvious that the path of least resistance would be to parrot the already successful concept behind Cooking with Ankit, burnt hat, awful powerpoint and all. Especially exciting is the 26 second audio-only introduction. I was annoyed that Dan was stealing my burning chef's hat idea, so I made sure to put extra lighter fluid on there to ensure some hair singeing.

Critical Analysis: Lacking in originality but otherwise top notch work. And those churros were delicious.

Friday, May 18, 2012

1995: Smokey Butts Cigarettes


Date of Creation: 1995

Synopsis: Despite tightening federal regulations banning televised commercials for tobacco products, Smokey Butts Cigarettes continues to push the boundaries with their customer testimonials, this time featuring their number one customer, Bob "The Ashtray" Evans.

A Brief History: As an attempt to expose us 7th graders to the dangers of cigarette smoking that we were undoubtedly blissfully unaware of, if I remember correctly, we were tasked with creating a "realistic" advertising campaign for cigarettes, one in which the companies had to be honest about the effects. The result? Smokey Butts cigarettes.

The charming spokesperson in the fashionable double-breasted suit was played by fellow 7th grader Tim Burbach, and I played the questionably gay Bob Evans because apparently my voice had changed. I'm not exactly sure why I hacked up a bunch of water after my coughing fit, but I'm sure it got quite the laugh in class.

The hacking, wheezing cougher at the end was my dad, who hopefully had a cold at the time because jesus christ.

Critical Analysis: Obviously the commercial was ineffective, because I probably started smoking a pack a day like the next week. If anything, the commercial opened me up to the idea of that smooth, refreshing tobacco taste, so really I have my catholic grade school education to blame for my addictions. All of them. Pinpointing the nationality of my character, once again, proved to be difficult. I want to say Cajun maybe.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

1992: ASH News Special Report: Too Much Rain


Date of creation: 1992
Synopsis: A farcical yet shocking predecessor to the great flood of 1993, Too Much Rain chronicles a brief interview between hard-hitting veteran news reporter Jeff Muddy and generic central american resident Nico Arocha.
A Brief History: As far as I know, this was quite literally the first documented video I ever made. It was for a 4th grade project on...something educational, but I'm not exactly sure what. Probably Hurricane Andrew/Felix/Henriette striking the mosquito coasts in 1992. i.e. Nicaragua if my cringe-inducing, pun-filled name is to be believed.
My dad ran our state of the art Sony 8mm video camera, while my mom stood on our deck and sprayed our umbrella with the hose. I made my titles with a toy I had called a Video painter (rev-depot.com/2011/08/26/v-tech-master-video-painter-v-tech-1994/), which I ran into the VCR and recorded the titles in-line. The b-roll was of my backyard during a particularly heavy rainstorm. If you squint really hard and imagine it as helicopter footage, it totally works.
Critical Analysis: Unencumbered by the concept of doing multiple takes, Nico Arocha was uninspired, stumbling through his lines and relying heavily on a non-regional central american accent to flavor his character. As Jeff Muddy, however, Jeff Geiss was the epitome of perfection, and in my opinion, robbed that year of a regional emmy for best news broadcaster.

Come Along and Ride on a Fantastic Voyage: The Introspective Nightmare That is the Cumulative Catalog of My Visual History

If there's two things Coolio and I have in common, it's that we both have a massive library of creative work that was the result of deep collaboration with hundreds of wonderful people throughout our lives.

The second thing, of course, is that we've both been blasting and laughing so long, that even our mamas think that our minds are gone.

The purpose of this blog, however, is to explore the first similarity. Every couple months, someone from my past gets in touch with me and asks about a project we had worked on. Whether I have a copy. If I could mail one to them.

I'm usually more than happy to oblige, but the harrowing combination of a hectic schedule, poor work ethic, and just general forgetfullness condemns their DVD to the dusty shelves of my office for months, completely out of mind. Meanwhile, they patiently wait, politely avoiding pushing the issue, likely due to their fear of my reputation as a horribly cruel individual with few emotions save for contempt.

My goal is to archive every piece of video or film that I have created or collaborated on, no matter how awful or terrible, and put it in the cloud, so to speak, so that anyone who might want a copy could simply download it digitally. This effectively eliminates me as the middleman, and makes it a lot easier for those looking for a dose of nostalgia to facilitate it.

For the most part, I'm going to do my best to post things chronologically, starting with the oldest stuff and moving forward, but their will undoubtedly be some crossover as I find things I thought I had lost.

So sit back and be patient; over the next couple months I'll hopefully have everything up, and at that point, if you don't see something I've forgotten, let me know! I'll try and find it!

One point of clarity: the only work I have a tremendous amount of access to is my own; however, I have made an effort to find everything available that Dan and Sean have been involved with as well, and I'll be posting that as well, it just may not be as comprehensive.

Chaotically Yours,

Nick


Vimeo